It's my birthday

Today is my birthday and I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for all of working senses and limbs! I really am! God is great! It's important to keep that in mind, even when feeling like complete garbage! I'm not saying that I do or did. Today was an exciting day, full of emotion and choices. I made a lot of choices today, but the most important was to be absolutely thankful for what I have going on in my life right now. No, I'm not absolutely where I want to be, but it's okay. I understand that when we think about where we want to be or the goals we want to reach, seldom do we think about the path it takes to get there. My dreams are still my dreams, but how I will get there has yet to be determined.

I always tell people not to give up. Yes that's what everyone tells everyone right? But I don't stop there. I continue by saying, don't stop because plenty of other people will. They're only moving out of the way for you, and If you never give up, you HAVE to make it one day. You have to! So, today on my birthday, I am saying what I often say, more so to myself than anyone else. Keep on!

"Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that He is sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that He has made, trusting that He is abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Him in all circumstances. Trust Him and don't be fearful; thank Him and rest in His sovereignty." -Jesus Calling

A few from the book....

Clouds


Lay down on my cloud

and drift away

this is my world

only clouds

perfect sunrises

and God's sunsets

the realest dream

a sturdy cloud

my cloud

and I'm free

to sail on the wind

to stop and embrace the freshness

of my feeling.

Today is my forever.

This thought,

my freedom.
-------------





Morning Jukebox

It was funny....
I heard every word she said
but I also heard the music
coming from behind her.
The coffee machine dripped and dropped
into a cup
splashing its mist all over,
but making music all the while
note after note
a song was born
but...
I laughed inside
because
i wasn't sure if i was being
overly creative
or if,
anyone,
would notice
the melodious liquid.
i laughed,
because
i didn't know
if she knew
that she was losing me.
little by little
the coffee was slightly more interesting.

she was done washing her dish,
and the conversation
was moving away from
the morning jukebox.
i was sad
and she was unaware.
we walked away
and i held on
to that last...
drop.
that last...
note.

--------

5-23-09


I was disappointed that he missed the wedding

And sad, because I know exactly what he looked like

When he was trying to make it.

And I know how he looked when they told him he was too late.

When gravity took over and everything in his body felt lost.


I saw the man with the locks that touched

The backs of his legs

I wondered what stories his hair held.


I watched the girl across from me,

Look up and search for thoughts to write in her notebook.

I acknowledged her with a smile,

Hoping it also served as a dose of encouragement.

I wondered how far her words would travel,

If she’d share past that piece of paper.


I noticed the woman’s shoulders fall at the same time as mine.

We shared a breath,

And with the next,

Returned to our own separate patterns.


I recognized that I am always familiar with the day,

And not the date

As my busy calendar of events,

Does not exist.

But at this very moment, I suddenly remember today’s date.

I remember the wedding date.


I remember that my family

Shifted onto the same plane this week,

As we received the news of a sisters, a daughters, despair.

A loss,

On levels too many.


I realize the journey of urges to satisfy completion.

Trying desperately not to be tricked by what seems to be.

To be with someone who makes you feel

A comfortable confinement…free.

You can still soar…with them.


I feel the confusion of myself

Fully capable of deciphering others problems and emotions

While I’ve only cracked the surface of my own.

I always select easy/novice when it comes to my life.

Hard?

I’d rather not.

I like passing and completing levels,

Why not repeat the ones I’ve mastered?


I see old ladies,

Who live in a place not made for them.

But they silently proclaim,

That they are the strong if it’s true that only the strong survive.

“I’m still here,” her eyes and straight back say.


There are so many stories on this train.

What would all of our thoughts look like,

If they were tossed into the middle?


I’m swimming, searching for words

To make my thoughts sound like a masterpiece

But I can’t try,

Not on this one,

It just has to be.


I see people and I wonder all the time…

What are you talking about?

What are you saying?

What are you doing?

Does anything change because of you?

Do you improve and uplift?

Or are you just here?

Walking around in circles like most of us?

What do you do?

Do you know who you are?


It’s amazing we all sit here,

We all hold a power that most of us

Don’t know how to use,

So we settle.

On this train, all these thoughts…

But that’s really what I see.

I’m not judging books by cover,

But that’s how I feel.

A lot of unused power,

Complacency.

I know what it looks like because,

I know what I look like.

The most common misunderstanding…

You don’t know who you are,

You spend a lot of time trying to understand

What God thinks of you

You don’t spend enough time believing it.

----

So they say...

"Most good relationships, in the beginning, require some faith and risk." -unknown


I believe that...totally.

I think relationships can be a little scary, especially the older you get. You put yourself on the line hoping that things will turn out right. It's like my fantasy football team. All I can do is read the stats, hope for good health, and take the risk. It's always a gamble, but when it's right...it feels great, and not because you get a bunch of points and bragging rights. It feels good because you made the right choice, you trusted yourself enough to press the submit button and to just go for it.

By the way...I won in both leagues this week!