Who's Crazy

If you ever get the opportunity, you should stop to think about what you're thinking about. You would notice something rather peculiar about your thoughts. How random and scattered they are, and how you would probably be committed if you ever really said everything you were thinking, as you were thinking it. It makes me think of homeless people and how we are quick to call their random thoughts which they sometimes verbalize out loud and to themselves, crazy.

Stop for a minute think about what you're thinking about and say every thought out loud. Yup...you sound pre-tty "crazy." I was flat-ironing my hair when I noticed that, in my head, I was repeating the phrase in a melodic tune, "standing up the entire time, standing up the entire time." I was simply thinking of what I was doing which was of course, standing up for the entire duration of my flat-ironing process. Um...that's kind of weird. I decided to say it out loud just because and it occurred to me that this is probably the same thing that we hear the homeless do on a regular basis. We all talk to ourselves, all day in fact. But most of us keep quiet and do it in our heads. They don't. So, who's crazy? Maybe everyone.

For Colored Girls...

To this day, the most memorable and life changing performance I've ever had the chance to be a part of was, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. This beautiful piece of art was created by Ntozake Shange in 1975. It's been done by those brave enough to conquer it. There's magic in this piece. Although the material hits you hard, it's so comforting and uplifting at the same time. It speaks to your spirit, and leaves you feeling light and reborn. That is why, it's still one of the most talked about pieces of literature in this country.

After Tabia, the theatre ensemble I was a part of, performed this piece, the cast begged the artistic director to bring it back. "Just one more run...please...it was so good!" But she wouldn't. She was firm and I couldn't understand why. Didn't she think it was magical, that it touched so many people? Weren't people requesting us to do it again? Yes, she felt it, and yes they were. But she knew something that we hadn't stopped to think about. We would never be able to create that type of magic again, and we'd be disappointed and haunted by what we once accomplished. So she wanted to keep the joy of the memory, she wanted us to always remember that feeling, that rush, that power. She wanted us to remember that we took wings, we flew, if only for a little while, on the magic of Ntozake's words.

Why don't people realize...

As you get older you realize the huge difference between how you feel, and what's real. To base something on your emotion, could potentially be one of the silliest things you could ever do. It's the reason for so much crime...infidelity...regret...

It's hard to find people that understand this, and it's really hard to find people that understand this in the midst of an emotional high.

Day 17

So, in regard to escaping the hole or leaving the rat race for my own race, I got promoted at my job. Yes, it's wonderful, and it's what I asked for. Okay, it's not that wonderful, but it is what I asked for and will look pretty good on my resume. And because I believe and love God, I know that it is because of Him that I got what I asked for. See, God is funny. No really...He is. Sometimes he gives you exactly what you ask for so a point can be made or something else can be clearly defined. This happens to people all the time. The car you thought you wanted, you get it. Once you get it, you realize how difficult it is to take care of. Or, on the other side of that, you get the car and everything is great. I'm not saying that every time you ask for something and you get it, things don't turn out as you'd like them to. I'm just saying, pay attention and be mindful of what you're asking. Measure your life where it is, and factor in everything that comes along with what it is you've asked for. Does it fit? Is it realistic?

Well, I've found that this new position has really allowed me to notice what I've been doing with my time since moving to New York. I have goals, and I can say that this position has made me want to speed up the process of reaching them. It's made me realize what my strengths and weaknesses are as an adult. I really thought I knew...lol!

Lately, I've come up with some pretty cool ideas and ways that I can enjoy my life while helping others enjoy theirs. I still have the acting bug and plan on fulfilling that desire, but there's something else pulling at me now, and I've got to explore it. So, that's part of it! How do you escape the race...the hole? You try out things you've never done before, go to places you've always wanted to go, explore different avenues, and your skills, your strengths and weaknesses will be made apparent. You'll find that you know yourself a lot better and even though it may take a while, you finally know where you can be your best you, where your skills can be best utilized, and how you can enjoy in its fullest capacity, the short time you have on this earth.

It's true.

so much to say

I have so much to say! I'll tell you later.